I made pancakes this morning.

Is that a "lighter" title?  I've heard that my recent posts have been a little "dark." 

... My first several pancakes were too dark.  I've been having a perpetual pancake dilemma. 

I used to make pancakes just about every Saturday morning.  I'm not talking Bisquick or Aunt Jemima ... I'm talking SCRATCH PANCAKES.  My own recipe, in fact.  If David was home for the weekend (rarely) I'd make waffles, using my mother's antique waffle iron -- and my own scratch recipe :-)  (You have to leave time for mixing the batter for these recipes -- there's more to it than adding a little milk and an egg.) 

Anyway ... I didn't make pancakes much when I was in exile.  In fact, maybe once?  twice?  and waffles a couple times?  It wasn't joyful anymore -- it was work.  I did it for my children.  They're worth it, though my son eats maybe two, three pancakes.  For some reason, he doesn't really like pancakes.  (?????)

One Saturday, a few weeks before they were to go back to college and a nephew was visiting, I decided to wake them with a homemade pancake breakfast.  I got up, got the batter mixed, and heated the griddle. 

I don't have a regular range -- I have a "Barbie" wall oven (too narrow) and a stove top.  I would have changed this scenario many years ago had it not been for the griddle on my stove top.  I love it.  I'm a terrible pancake flipper.  I can never get the heat settings quite right.  It takes me four or five batches to get everything right, but this griddle really helped me succeed. 

Suddenly, out of the blue, the dang thing wouldn't heat.  <snort> This was particularly troubling because I had already lost one burner on the stove and just the week before realized that the lower element in the top oven wasn't heating (the lower oven hadn't been working for a few years!)   I was not ready to buy a new stove.  I was not ready to replace the ovens.  What I really wanted to do was get a real range with a regular-sized oven and put a pantry where the ovens are -- but I was not in a financial position to do that yet!  I was not really on speaking terms with a possible contractor -- and was working to get the house painted.  (One big project at a time, please!)

I had to pull out the old cast iron skillet and hope for the best.  Remember, I was down to three burners! so I had to situate the skillet on the back burner and reach across.  I had no idea what heat setting would be right.  (I knew what heat setting to use for the griddle!)  This skillet is pretty well-seasoned, but I had no idea if the pancakes would stick, burn, or whatever.  I guess, ultimately, they turned out okay.  I don't recall a pancake disaster, but I'm sure the first couple batches were less than perfectly round, golden brown and evenly cooked.  Like this morning ...

Exile or no exile, I cook.  I cook for one and I cook good stuff.  Today, for example, I soaked three kinds of beans and made three quarts of delicious tri-bean stew with kielbasa.  Yum.  Think smoked stock, fresh onion, garlic, celery, carrot, tomato, sweet potato, cilantro and parsley served over tri-color quinoa.  (This was in lieu of cleaning the guest room for visiting college girls.)  Yesterday I made 6 quarts of Harvest Goodness Stew -- I am taking some for the church Soup Cook-Off tomorrow.  It took me ALL afternoon to create that stew and do all the dishes!  When I was down to one 8" burner, it was really a handicap!

I discovered that the oven wasn't heating properly when I was baking Snickerdoodles for another church thing -- and to send to my kiddos at school.  It took over a half hour to heat the oven!  Somehow, I am not sure how, I managed to get the cookies to come out ok.  They should not have!  Only the top element was heating the oven and it was no fun.  I reguarly use my oven to roast and broil fish, vegetables and meats and to bake breads and cookies -- I really needed my oven to work properly!!  I was panicked!  What was I going to do?!  It would be hundreds -- thousands? of dollars to replace the oven and a whole lot more effort to do it the way I wanted to. 

Somehow it occurred to me that I might be able to replace the stupid heating element in the oven.  Now I had been considering purchasing a new burner for the stove for a while -- but it was going to cost me about $80 + shipping and I wasn't even certain it would solve the problem ... but now with the oven, I had to figure something out.  I retrieved the user manual for the oven to get the model number and a web search led me to a great little site that not only sold the requisite oven element, but had a little video showing me how to do it!  I am a bit of a handyman, but electricity freaks me out and I had already shocked myself once when trying to repair the oven light switch (Yeh, I know -- dumb.  Even though I was on the phone with a sister insisting that I flip the circuit breaker, I didn't.  Zap.  Lesson learned.)

So I ordered the oven element.  It was under $40!  I knew it would cost upwards of $200 to get the Maytag repairman to even come out to LOOK at my oven -- and who knew when he'd come! (The year before it was going to be ten days before a refrigerator repairman could come look at my 'fridge.  I freaking fixed it myself, with the final assistance of my good neighbor.)  While I was at it, I ordered the stove burner element, too -- it was half the price that GE wanted!  So I waited for my package to arrive.

Long story short, I fixed my oven.  I had to brave the fear of electrocution, work with wiring, faced one fail -- but ultimately, succeeded in repairing my oven -- and the stove burner worked, too!  But the griddle parts were unavailable ...

So ... this morning ... I pulled out the iron skillet again (I don't really use non-stick pans).  I placed it on my new burner! and heated it up until a finger-flick of water danced.  I oiled the skillet and ladled-out three pancakes.  Oh freak.  The skillet was too hot and they were nearly black!  (So, once again, my blog entry is "dark."  ;-)  I turned down the heat -- ultimately a little too far, as a couple batches were blonde, rather than golden brown, and more eliptical than round -- but, alas, as always that last batch was perfect:  golden brown, perfectly round, flipped expertly.  Since I only ate three of them, I now have a Ziploc of frozen pancakes of miscellaneous shapes and done-ness.  <sigh>

As I stood at the stove, observing the progress of the multi-faceted flapjacks, I remembered my mother standing at the stove doing the same thing in a similar skillet.  Again, I pondered who has her skillet! because it is not I.  David and I purchased and seasoned my skillet the first year of our marriage.  Where is her skillet!?  Anyway, I pictured her using the corner of her cake turner to pop the little bubbles that formed while the pancakes were baking and wondered if she did that because she watched her mother do that and realized that I do that!  I wonder if my daughter will do that.  I also remembered that she made "silver dollar" pancakes.  I wondered if she made those because it was easier to make four at a time in that sized skillet (I will use my larger one next time -- more space to get in there to do the flipping!)  And, again, the heaviness of my losses pressed down on me in that moment.  I flipped my cakes and snapped out of it.

The point here is that I made pancakes.  I made pancakes for ONE -- for ME.  Two steps up ... even with all the frustration.  I hung in there and had an indulgent Saturday ... lunch.  (By the time I had figured all of this out, it was after noon.  Ugh.)  Still!  A little victory.  And I have some frozen pancakes that can easily be tossed in the toaster or microwave when the college students visit next weekend.  I know that's not as Mama B as usual, but it will have to do.  I've got other stuff going on these days!  <smooch>